Fruits Basket Drabbles: UNCUT
by KuroNekoFangirl
Summary: Random fruits basket drabbles, I only own randomness Chapter 6 now up. Short drabble but I still wrote one. DISCONTINUED.
1. The Pretender?

A/N: No offense to Moggetchan, a very revered authoress in my opinion, however, it MUST be done: FRUITS BASKET DRABBLES: UNCUT!!!!!!!!!

Nudges Yami: Sigh, yes, random drabbles from Fruits Basket is here! (Turns to Yuki and Kyo) Sorry guys, it's inevitable.

Yuki and Kyo: We know.

* * *

Disclaimer: Me no own Fruits Basket or Random characters that help me introduce chapters. Glomps Jimmy All mine, baby! 

Chapter One: The Pretender?

"Yuki?" Kyo called, staring open mouthed at the object in his hand. He had been cleaning Shigure's library when something had fallen out of the shelf onto his head, frankly, a lot of things. With much rustling, he had crawled out of the pile of books created to see what had hit him.

"What, stupid cat?" Yuki called, poking his head into the room, a pile of files in his hands.

Biting his lip to keep from erupting in anger, Kyo, still gawking at the book, held it up to show him. Yuki leaned in, and promptly dropped all the objects in his hands. Ignoring the crash it made as it slammed into the ground, Yuki snatched the book from Kyo's hands. "Has anyone else seen this?" He snarled, causing Kyo to flinch.

"N-no. Just you and me, I think." He muttered, unwilling to have his head bitten off by the angry Yuki.

"Good. Oh, sweet revenge." Yuki smiled evilly and left the room making an incomprehensible noise that sounded like a purr and a growl.

Kyo gulped. _Nice knowing him. _Kyo frowned at his thought. _On second thought, it should be quieter around here. Never mind, Yuki will kill him either way. _Kyo chuckled. _If Ayame has the same book, we could be rid of them both._

He shuddered. _Scary Damn Rat._

_

* * *

_

"Shigure?" Yuki grinned good-naturedly at Tohru, who was at the moment cooking lunch. She turned.

"Shigure said he was going to pick up some homework I forgot at school yesterday for me." Tohru smiled at Yuki, who frowned at her statement.

"Why did he go?"

Tohru shrugged. "He's really nice."

_High school girls, High school girls, all for me, high school girls! _Suddenly rang in Yuki's mind, silently preparing to skin his cousin alive when he returned and Tohru wasn't looking.

_Idiot Dog.

* * *

_

Shigure returned hours later, Yuki, Kyo, and Tohru having gone to get some groceries. Shigure hummed happily, placing Tohru's schoolbag on the table, but stopped short in shock at the object that was already there.

_The Idiot's Guide to Pretending to Be Gay_. Shigure gulped. How did those three find that book?

Shigure whistled softly as picked up the book behind his back and silently dumped it into the trash. _That takes care of that._ He thought gleefully. Humming to himself, Shigure retreated to his library, shutting the door with a whack!

* * *

A/N: I know, not very good, but what do you expect? (Nudges Deidara) Back me up here! 

Deidara: sigh, well, I thought it was fairly comical.

Kyo: What noise did that damn rat make?

Kuro-Neko: Sorta like a hurhurhur.

Yuki: No more like, huhhurhuhhur.

Jimmy: sigh, does it matter?

No, I guess not. Anyway, before I go back to school that is more boring than life itself, I wish this story well!

R&R!!!!!! PWEASE??!!!!!


	2. How To Survive On Shigure's Cooking

A/N: CHAPTER 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YIPPEEE! Thanks to superhypergirl, my first fan on Fanfiction, and only one. (Stares angrily at men who flinch) MEN! (Stiffen, scared) MEN! Today is the day we will get more fans!

All: MA'AM, YES MA'AM!

Kuro-neko: (Standing on soap box) You all will use your incredible sexiness to help me gather more fans!  
All: MA'AM, YES MA'AM!

Kuro-neko: You! (Points randomly) GET ME MILK!

Kenshin: This one?

Kuro-neko: YES, YOU! GET ME MILK! AS FOR THE REST OF YOU, GET TO YOUR POSITIONS!

All: (scurry away)

Disclaimer: Don't worry; I'm generally a nice person by nature! (Deidara: She lies) SILENCE IN THE BACK!!!!!!! No ownership of these sexy people claimed, except my lovable Ghost Cat!

* * *

Chapter 2: How to survive on Shigure's Cooking

How to survive on my cousin Shigure's cooking

By: Yuki Sohma

God blessed some people in the world. He made each person in the world good at something, and they are very good at that one thing. For example, in my friend Tohru Honda's case, she is very good at cooking (God bless her), compared to my cousin Shigure. He can't cook to save his life even if his life depended on it. However, in the many years I've been around him, I've found many secrets to live on his cooking.

Getting a dog- granted I don't have one, but when someone was visiting and my cousin was cooking, they had brought their dog. I happened to come across one of my family members sneaking a pickled chicken leg to Digi, who promptly ate it and was fine until he had diarrhea later that night.

Leave it for bugs- Its really funny to see my other cousin, Kyo, trying not to scream when he goes to the bathroom late at night and finds bugs crawling all over the food I leave for them. (Hehe)

Toss it out- Eventually, my cousin did find me throwing out my food out the window or in the trash when he wasn't looking, so I had to improvise.

Flush it- Shigure thought I had horrible stomach issues for a while, but then the septic tank busted so I couldn't use that either.

Give it to student council President- For some strange reason; he happens to be the only person in the world that actually eats the pungent mess. He thinks its sheep liver. (I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't)

Bury it- Its actually a wonderful fertilizer for most plants (Selling Shigure's Goop for $2 a pound)

Stuff it under the rug- It worked for a while but when our housekeeper found it after 2 months, it stunk up the house for the longest time. Plus, I don't like inconveniencing her, if it can be avoided.

Get someone else to cook- My favorite strategy; although, it often meant me catering and I'm not the best cook either. Luckily, our housekeeper is an excellent chef and Shigure loves her cooking.

I'm glad I can share my information with the next generation of food-throwing techniques. Use them well, grasshopper, just kidding.

* * *

A/N: Lol, I like the Shigure's Goop part. I thought to myself, "Yuki loves gardening, so why not add a bit of garden fresh humor?" 

Yuki: Hehe, I love the 'leave it for the bugs'

Kyo: You love anything that causes me trouble

Yuki: Hm, touché

Kyo: Anyway, when will you do a drabble for me?

Kenshin: You know Neko-dono better than that, she already has one planned, that she does.

Me: (Sucks milk noisily) Yes, as a matter of fact, I do! And it's all in the next chapter Kyo-lovers!!!!!!!

Kyo: YES!!!!!!!!!!... Wait, what is it?

Me: Hi-mi-tsu!

R&R peeps!!!! Ciao!!!!!!


	3. Kyo's Kuties

A/N: Kuro-Neko-Chan here! And, once again, thanks to my one (Glares at men) and (Glares again) only (Glares again) fan, superhypergirl! (Men clap and whistle)

Ed: (raises hand in air)

Me: Yes, Private Elric!

Ed: Uh, Kyo couldn't be here 'cuz he had stomach issues, something about leek poison (Yuki: Snickers), and he asked me to ask you what his drabble is about.

Me: (Grins evilly) Oh, he'll have to wait and find out. MEN!!!! GET INTO POSITIONS, BUT SOMEONE PULL KYO OUT OF THE TOILET BOWL; I WANT HIM TO SEE THIS!!!!!

All: (scramble to find Kyo first)

Ed: Jimmy-sama, how do you stand her bossiness?

Jimmy: I'm just thankful I came out of her brain and not in the… (Pauses) Let's just say I'm happier here and not anywhere else. I'll tell you when you get bigger. (Walks away)

Ed: Oh, okay….HEY, WAIT A SECOND!!!!!!!!!!!! WHO YOU CALLING DIMUNITIVE PRETTY BOY??????!!!!!!

Disclaimer: Sigh, I have to keep doing this? Anyway, no sexy guy mentioned is mine except my wonderful Jimmy-kun, take a bow silly. Ah, Kyo's here! Start the show!

* * *

Chapter 3: Kyo's Kuties

"Um, Shigure?"

Shigure folded down his newspaper to meet Tohru's questioning eyes. "What's up?"

"Have, rather, am I allowed into Kyo's room?" Tohru kept her head lowered to keep her blush on her face showing.

"What-"

"What made you ask that?" Yuki questioned, stepping into the room.

Tohru blushed harder. "W-well, I noticed something th-that seemed to smell awful coming from his room, and I wasn't sure, i-if I was allowed to see what it was."

"Miss Honda…" Yuki started but turned to glare at Shigure as he started chuckling loudly.

"Y-you mean, s-something smells awful in Kyo's room, and y-you're asking me i-if you can…" Shigure stopped, unable to continue giggling in between breaths, resulting in him rolling on the floor.

"Stupid." Yuki shook his head at his idiotic cousin until he managed to regain his wits. He turned to Tohru. "Of course you can, and if I can be of any help, I will."

"Y-you…help!" Shigure fell over again, unable to control over his laughter. Yuki shook his head disapprovingly at Shigure as Tohru's face turned scarlet.

* * *

"I thought I would figure out first what smelled so bad, and then I could clean it." Tohru told Yuki as they climbed the staircase to Kyo's room.

"That makes sense." Yuki replied as they neared Kyo's room. He grabbed his nose. "Ugh, that does smell awful." He gasped.

"Y-yes, I wasn't sure what it was, but it's pretty strong." Tohru coughed.

Together, they approached the doorway. Arm reaching out, Yuki pulled the door open, and was met with a pleasant surprise.

"It doesn't smell in here." Yuki croaked, releasing his nose.

"Thank goodness! I was worried if it was something important, Kyo might not want us to touch it!" Tohru sighed heavily, leaning on the doorframe.

Yuki looked around. Something wasn't right. As far as he knew, Kyo was a sloppy person by nature, as he had sat through so many speeches of how Kyo had lost his homework in the black hole he called his book bag.

However, the room was immaculate. Not a speck of dust or item haphazardly out of place in the room. A quick survey showed a bed, nightstand, a half-open window, a closet, a des-

Yuki whipped around. A closet! Shaking with excitement, Yuki moved toward its tightly closed doors.

"Yuki?"

Ignoring Tohru, Yuki reached out to grasp the handle on the door.

"Yuki!" Tohru seemed desperate to get his attention.

Yuki continued to ignore her as he slowly opened the door.

"DON'T YOU DARE!!!!!!"

Yuki jumped as Kyo's voice ricocheted toward Yuki's direction, opening the door all the way. Instantly, tons of stuffed animals came spewing out toward the three of them!

"W-what the?" Yuki asked incredulously as he picked up one animal at random and was immediately entranced at its cuteness.

"YOU DAMN RAT!!!! WHAT THE FREAK WERE YOU THINKING COMING INTO MY ROOM AND OPENING MY CLOSET!!!!!!" Kyo snapped at Yuki who still sat dazed in the closet doorway.

Yuki struggled to stand with the surrounding wave of toys, Kyo's words falling on deaf ears. He looked at the teddy bear again, marveling in its anime-like eyes and serene smile.

"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME????!!!!!! GIVE ME THAT!!!!" Kyo angrily snatched the bear from Yuki's hands waking him up from his adorableness-inflicted-coma. "DID I NOT SAY TO NOT OPEN THAT DOOR???!!!! NOW I HAVE TO ARRANGE THEM ALL OVER AGAIN AND… YOU'RE STILL NOT LISTENING TO ME, ARE YOU???!!!"

"So cute!" Tohru squealed, causing both men to turn in her direction.

"What?!" Kyo snapped, unsure of how to deal with her statement.

"They're so adorable, Kyo, did you collect them all on your own?" Tohru asked, snuggling a panda bear.

"W-well, no. My-My mom often bought them for me, I thought they were cool, but still, what possessed you two to come in here?!" Kyo angrily asked Yuki, who still stared at the bear clenched in his hand.

"I smelled something up here and I thought it was in your room and I wanted to clean it up." Tohru answered for Yuki as she shuffled through the toy pile.

"Uh, yeah, I cleaned it up yesterday though. The after smell is still here though. I did some heavy cleaning as you can see." Kyo turned to Yuki. "Still, WHY DID YOU OPEN THE DAMN DOOR??!!"

"Bear," Yuki simply said.

Kyo started. "Wh-what?"

"Bear." Yuki repeated, motioning to the bear in his clenched hand. Tohru came up behind the still-not-understanding-Kyo and handed Yuki the bear. Kyo watched as Yuki grinned happily at the bear and squeezed it tight.

"I'll be damned." Kyo muttered to Tohru as Yuki walked over to another corner of the room and sat down. "So he's not all muscle head, he actually does have a heart."

"Just go to show we're all human, doesn't it?" Tohru giggled. "Anyway, you have a heart too, Kyo, isn't that why all these toys are here?" Tohru motioned to all the dolls littering the floor of the room.

Kyo grunted in reply, blushing slightly. Grumbling as Tohru walked over to Yuki with another cute toy, Kyo picked up an armful of the playthings. "C'mon, you damn rat, you made this mess, and you can help me clean it up."

Yuki grinned. "Sure Kyo-Kyo." He teased, still playing with the Care Bear.

"DON'T CALL ME KYO-KYO!!!!!"

* * *

A/N: Wow, Yuki and Kyo have something in common!! They both love cute stuff! Could this lead to a better understanding of each other?! (All gasp)

Me: Well, Kyo, did you like your drabble?

Kyo: (Incomprehensible noise)

Yuki: He said I hate you

Me: Yeah I know

Jimmy: (sigh) well, it could be worse Kyo.

Ed: Yeah, you could be short **and** gay.

Kyo: (glares at all four)

Kenshin: That is not very nice eyes, that they aren't. I suggest you all run.

All: Yeah.

Us: (Run out screaming)

Kanda: (Sigh) Since our beloved Kuro-neko-chan is busy, I'll take it upon myself to finish up for her: R&R please (Glares angrily) or I will sic the rabid fangirls on you!

Allen: And help us captured men! Kuro-neko-chan is evil!

Kanda: That's a bit harsh Allen. She is very nice, just high-strung.

Allen: She paid you to say that, didn't she?

Kanda: Yep, and I want that money.


	4. Shigure's New Chair

A/N: Helloooo! Kuro-neko chan here, once again with big news! Visit the story _What a Random Life_ and get a free cookie!

Xiao: No you don't.

Me: True, but they can't know that. I'm paid by the hour, every fan I give them, I get cookies.

Train: You sneaky little…

Me: Hey, I only said you get a free cookie, I didn't say it was for them!

L: Could you just introduce the story?

Me: Oh, anyway, for all you yaoi fans, this is as close as you're gonna get! Allow me to present, Shigure's New Chair!

Yuki: I don't like the sound of this.

Kyo: Me neither.

Disclaimer: Do I have to keep doing this? If I owned Fruits Basket, I would have Kyo and Yuki getting along better and Shigure as a girl! Haha, just kidding.…Seriously though, doesn't he seem girlish at times?

* * *

Chapter 4

Shigure's New Chair

"I know, it seems weird, but you'll just have to get along with it!" Shigure teased, inwardly grimacing at Yuki and Kyo's angry expressions.

"Gee, every time you happen to make even a little bit of money, being the bumbling idiot you are, you waste it on pointless things like this!" Yuki pointed out angrily.

"I object to that accusation! My baby is not pointless! Being an author is stressful at times, and you wouldn't know… wait, you insulted me didn't you?" 

Kyo rolled his eyes. "Well, if he doesn't have a heart, he certainly doesn't have a brain." 

Tohru shifted nervously. "Um, Shigure? What made you decide to buy a massage chair anyway?" She asked as politely as possible. 

Happy that someone wasn't yelling at him, Shigure fingered the slick leather. "Oh, I don't really know, Tohru-kun (_Of course she asks and he spills his guts, _Yuki and Kyo thought angrily), but I suppose it was because I just needed to relax somehow."

"Oh, so running away from your editor isn't working?" Kyo grumbled, walking into the kitchen.

Yuki shook his head and looked at it again. It wasn't the fact that he didn't like it; in fact, it wasn't ugly at all, with its rich sandy-brown tones and hardwood feet. It was just it was so **big** and bulky that it fit awkwardly in Shigure's cramped office. Yuki shook his head again. "It barely fits in here, why did you buy it otherwise?" 

Shigure smirked. In a flurry of movement, Shigure had pounced on the unsuspecting Yuki and shoved him unceremoniously into the chair.

"Wh-wha!" Yuki managed to yelp after recovering from the fall.

"Don't worry; relax." Shigure pressed a button and the chair sprung to life. 

The chair buzzed and vibrated slightly as Yuki sat, shell-shocked, in the chair. He slid downwards into the chair, reveling in its slight movement, immediately curbing his anger toward Shigure.

"O-o-o-o-oh, y-y-y-y-yea-h-h-h-h, this is-s-s-s-s ni-i-i-i-ce." Yuki breathed, sinking down lower. 

"See?" Shigure grinned, watching as Yuki shut his eyes slightly. Kyo watched in awe as Yuki's face immediately softened as the chair continued to shake.

"Is it really that good!" Kyo asked incredulously.

"Ye-e-e-e-e-e-esssssssss." Yuki gushed.

"Get outta that, then, let me try!" Kyo tried to pull the limp Yuki out of the chair and got the coldest of glances as he did so. 

"Yo-o-o-o-o-u bet-t-t-t-ter get of-f-f-f-f of me Stu-u-u-u-u-pid Ca-a-a-a-t." Yuki hissed as Kyo pulled back. 

"We better just leave him be." Shigure muttered to Kyo as Yuki reclined more in the large chair. Kyo grumbled and left the room.

* * *

Yuki peeked around the doorframe. Tohru, he knew, was sound asleep on in her bedroom on the left side (he could tell by the soft snores and the 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry' occasionally coming from her room.

Yuki looked to the right. Down a ways sat Shigure's room. Yuki tiptoed silently to the doorjamb and listened intently. His cousin had an odd habit of rolling around on the rug downstairs like some insane dog (He knew, Yuki had seen it on many of his late-night water runs). But, it seemed all was well tonight, due to the slight chuckling, the occasional "Ooh, high school girls, high school girls…ladies! Wait your turn" and louder snoring.

Yuki felt confident about sneaking another chance at the massage chair downstairs. Shigure had dragged him out of it earlier that night; though Yuki was thankful he was able to at least get something to eat (He'd die if he missed Tohru's dinner again). 

Yuki grinned. At least he knew he didn't have to worry about Kyo catching him in the act. Kyo had taken to sleeping outside on the roof recently. Not that he complained, it's just Kyo looked so sad when he…

Yuki shook his head. _Not now! _He thought intently and dashed downstairs, quieter than a ninja. He crept around until his feet met the entrance to Shigure's library. Yuki quirked an eyebrow when he heard a slight crooning and…

Moaning?

Yuki shuddered. _Sounds like sex moans. _(A/N I know, I took that from Project Runway. I love Christian!) He grimaced. Taking a breath, Yuki yanked open the door.

* * *

Kyo sat on the rooftop, gazing at the sky. _Pretty moon. Dammit, where'd that come from! _Groaning at the pain that came from sleeping on the roof for weeks, Kyo stood up and stretched.

_I bet even that massage chair would help me feel better. _Kyo thought angrily, remembering the evil glare that that damn rat had given him earlier. 

_I should go and check it out right now, just to spur him. Man, he'd be pissed! _With this plan in mind, Kyo slid off the roof and headed for the abandoned library. He crept into the unsuspecting room and shut the door slightly.

Kyo started when he heard a slight creaking upstairs but relaxed as it disappeared as quickly as it had come. Kyo slid into the smooth leather, reveling in its wonderful feel. Kyo's hands groped for the remote placed on the right hand side, and flipped it on **Vibrate**. 

Instantaneously, Kyo felt himself relax as the chair continued to buzz and whir, but it felt so wonderful! It actually felt like someone was giving him a deep tissue massage.

Groans escaped his throat as not so innocent thoughts came to mind. But, all sounds ceased when he heard someone pull the library door open.

"You!" Yuki growled, seeing his adversary wrapped up in the comfy comforts of the chair.

"You!" Kyo replied, not willing to be outdone by the Damn Rat of all people.

"I'm telling Shigure! No you're not!" They both exclaimed, immediately quieting as they remembered that there were others sleeping in the house.

"What are you doing down here? I thought you were sulking on the roof!" Yuki whispered angrily, a death glare on his face.

"Me! You're the one sneaking around like the evil rat you are!" Kyo whispered vehemently back. 

"What do you think! I came to sit in the chair!"

"What! I didn't even get a chance to sit in that chair, and you're getting another chance! No way, bozu!"

Things continued like this for about a half hour when Yuki and Kyo ran out of insults and out of breath. Finally, Yuki sighed as Kyo gasped for breath.

"Look, why don't we both sit in the chair?"

"What! I don't want to sit next to you! That's suicide in my opinion!"

"Oh, stop being such a baby, no one will know! It'll be fine!"

"Listen to you, you sound so perverted."

"Me! Why don't you listen to yourself, taking what I say the wrong way, get your mind out of the gutter!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

Their argument paused again when they heard footsteps upstairs. They both froze, unwilling to get an idiot lecture so early in the morning. When the footsteps finally receded to whence they came, Yuki started again.

"No one will know if we head back to bed in time. I'll set an alarm, and no one will know."

Kyo looked away, unwilling to show his gratitude. "Fine," he mumbled. "But I get to pick where I want to sit. I certainly don't want you taking the reins too often."

"Now, that really is dirty, do you actually find me as some raping, psychotic freak?" 

"Sometimes, yeah." 

Yuki shook his head as Kyo sat down in the chair. The chair was big enough so that they both could sit, but it was not comfortable. Kyo and Yuki sat stiffly side by side to make sure no part of their skin touched each other. _I can't believe of all things, I have to sit next to that damn rat/stupid cat! _they thought angrily.

That is, until Yuki fell asleep again. And, since you're asleep and don't know what you're doing, Yuki fell asleep on Kyo's shoulder.

_Oh, great, now I get to wake __**him**__ up. Joyous. _Kyo muttered death threats under his breath until he realized; the slight vibrating of the chair was actually quite soothing which made Kyo realize why Yuki had fallen asleep in the first place. At some point, Yuki had rolled over onto Kyo's side of the chair, occasionally exhaling enough so that Kyo shivered as Yuki's warm breath skittered across his skin.

_This is not happening! I hate that damn rat, I hate that damn rat, I hate-_ Yuki had curled up against Kyo at this point, mumbling some incoherent string of words that somehow put a smile on Kyo's face. 

Yuki smiled warmly in his dream world where, of course Kyo didn't know, he dreamed of Care-Bears, little children kicking Kyo, Ayame, and Shigure in the shin, and Tohru's delicious coking. Ah, what bliss!

But of course, since Kyo didn't know what Yuki was dreaming, he guessed it was some fantasy about rats and cheese, which surprisingly made him happy. 

_Heh. What else can a guy do? _Kyo was about to lay his head on Yuki's until he fell asleep when the alarm in Yuki's pocket whistled and vibrated, instantly waking him up.

Yuki blinked and rubbed his eyes sleepily as he sat up and stretched. "Well, time to go back to bed, I'm…" he trailed off at the red face that was Kyo's. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." He replied, causing Yuki to inwardly shiver. "You just slept on me."

"Oh." Yuki thought silently for a moment. He shrugged. "Oh well."

Kyo watched with narrowed eyes as Yuki excited the room. "Make sure you turn off the chair and the lights before Tohru comes downstairs." He winked at the almost hissing Kyo. "Nighty, Night." He singsonged as he traipsed up the stairs.

* * *

A/N: Heh, heh. I could get used to writing this crap. Oh, yeah. Tell me what you all think!

Kyo: I think you better run.

Me: Why?

Yuki: I think you know why.

Me: Oh. Well, will you and Jimmy close up for me then?

Jimmy: Sure.

Me: Okay. (Runs out screaming with Kyo close after)

Yuki: Review and rate please!

Jimmy: Keep up the good work fellow authors!

Me: (Runs back in, panting) And…keep an eye…out for another story…called… actually, I don't know what I'm calling it yet, but I know it has Fruits Basket! And, uh, Jimmy, of course. So, uh, keep an eye out! Okay, (runs away again)

Yuki: (Looking at Jimmy's hair) Y'know, you look a lot like a girl.

Jimmy: (Sighs) That's what people tell me.


	5. Jealous Much?

A/N: Yippee!! School's out!!

Yuki: Want me to say it?

Me: Yep!

Yuki: MAMMA MIA RULES!!

Me: Lol, that's perfect!

Kyo: Obsessed, much?

Me: Shut up.

Shigure: Getting back, here's a request drabble from an esteemed author, **Mew Mai**!!

All: (Clap and whistle)

Me: LOUDER!!

All: (Whoot and thunderous applause)

Me: That's better. Now clap for me!

All: (Silence)

Disclaimer: Don't worry, they love me! Jimmy, say Kuro-Neko-Chan own nada.

Jimmy: No

* * *

Chapter 5

Jealous much?

"Believe me, I'm flattered."

Yuki and Kyo hissed as the new kid grabbed Tohru's hand. They shot daggers at the ruthless kid's back as he kissed her appendage.

"Sank 'oo soo much for bing soo keend to me." He said, voice cracking at his lousy Japanese.

Yuki grabbed a furious Kyo as the new student wrapped his arms comfortably around Tohru's shoulders. Kyo snarled at his restricted position as the duo walked away from the blushing Tohru and the over-confident transfer student.

Yuki shook his head. He couldn't explain it, but he had hated that kid the moment the teacher had introduced him. Maybe it was the fact that he had slid his way to Tohru's locker the moment he stepped into the school. Or maybe the fact that he had oh-so-conveniently dropped a love note confession onto Tohru's desk the next day.

Oh, yeah, and she had accepted.

Yuki and Kyo did not like that one bit.

So they decided to team up.

Just one time.

"Never again, Damn Rat; remember that." Kyo had snarled when they shook on it.

"Believe me, I don't wish to, Stupid Cat." Yuki had shot back, snatching his hand back, unwilling to have the Stupid Cat rub off on him. Kyo scowled but said nothing more. They needed to save their energy for, 'IT'.

* * *

"I cannot tank oo enuff Sohmaa-kuun." 'IT' said to Yuki, who was wearing a smile that seemed more like a crooked grin on a jack-o-lantern. "'O roo 'as told mee soo much ab'out 'oo an Keeo-kuun. Eye 'ad 'oped too git alonng wit 'oo too." He smiled sweetly.

"Not at all." Yuki muttered through clenched teeth. He forced himself to look 'IT' in the eyes when he said, "Kyo and I have been hoping to get to know Honda-san's…" Yuki gulped and forced himself to say it. "Boyfriend." He gritted his teeth and decided he would scrub his tongue raw when he got back home.

"'Es, ell, dere is sumeting eye neeed to tell 'oo, Sohmaa-kuun." 'IT' looked around suspiciously. Then grinned. "I'm also dating someone else." He whispered, his Japanese perfect.

Yuki blinked. "What the-"

"I know, isn't it cool?! Two girls? Man, do I rock or what?!" 'IT' chuckled, mistaking Yuki's surprise. 'IT' continued when Yuki still continued to stare at him. "Man, chicks dig the whole, 'Eye can't speek 'or languagge' stuff! You're pretty popular, even at my old school so I though you would be the perfect person to tell, y'know?"

Yuki stopped staring to realize what he said. "You mean you are Japanese?"

"Yep. I just bleached my hair and different colored contacts. Works every time." 'IT' added with a hint of pride. "Only, don't tell anyone, 'k? I don't want my cover blown. Tohru's an air head, but man, Mameha is so hot! Both my type!" 'IT' chuckled.

Yuki pulled his face back into a grimace. "You're right; always fall for that stuff, don't they?" Yuki wrapped his arm around 'IT's shoulders. He chuckled, then grabbed 'IT's collar. He face turned very sour. "Then, I don't have any regrets doing this!" Yuki shoved 'IT' backwards, towards Kyo, who had suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

'IT' looked back from Yuki's livid face to Kyo's sinister grin. Suddenly, 'IT' felt very, very, very scared in the Sohmas' grips.

* * *

Tohru could not believe her eyes. Her Yuki and her Kyo were dangling her Hiroshi upside down from the flagpole outside, with nothing but a sign saying _**I am a no-good, double-crossing, snake-in-the-grass who is cheating on two girls. Oh yeah, I'm also very fluent in Japanese and have a lousy French accent.**_

Easy to say, there was little to be seen of Hiroshi from then on. Rumors say he became a hermit and gave up on his bleach blond hair and shaved it. Yuki and Kyo know better, though.

He just transferred.

He still hadn't learned his lesson.

Yuki and Kyo still got in trouble.

They're in detention right now.

For the rest of their high school career.

"For the record," Kyo once said. "I blame Yuki."

"For the record," Yuki once said. "I blame French guys."

* * *

A/N: Lol, well, that was very funny! Wasn't it, boys?

All: (No answer)

Me: Hello?

All: (Still no answer)

Me: Where are they?

All: RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!

Me: (Runs out screaming from endless ghosts surrounding her)

Ghost 1: Reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaddd anndddddd reeeeeeviewwwwwwwwwww!

Ghost 2: Help usssssssssssssss!

Ghost 3: Kuroooooooo-Nekoooooooo-Channnnnn is eeeeeeeeeeevillllllllll!

Yuki: You guys are so retarded.


	6. Jason

A/N: IT SNOWED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yuki: For those who all concerned, no way, in any shape or form, were any Fruits Basket characters harmed in the making of this fanfic.

Kyo: And, for those who are concerned in the head, go see a psychiatrist.

Me: Hey! I'm the only one who can make snappy cracks like that!

Kyo: Too bad, I just did one.

Me: Very funny Mister-Hee-Haw, just for that, I'm gonna make you look completely awful in another drabble!

Kyo: (Gasps) No! You wouldn't! Not after... (Looks at Yuki)... making me shake hands with that Damn Rat!

Yuki: (Pissed) It was no cakewalk touching you either Dumb Cat!

Me: What about Stupid Cat?

Yuki: I like dumb better.

Me: Touché.

Guy off camera: CAN WE GET BACK TO THE STORY!!!!!!??????

All: (Growls)

Disclaimer: Right, right; No Fruits Basket mine, blah blah blah. ACK! (Screeches as Kyo tackleglomps me) HEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE…

Yuki: (Grins) My turn! On with the story!!!!

* * *

Chapter Six: Jason

"This Christmas season, be forewarned for this season killer!"

Yuki yawned, the TV boring him.

"Jason, the chainsaw massacre season four! Coming Christmas Eve to a theater near you."

Yuki leaned over to the orange-headed teen sprawled out in front of the back door. "Told you Jason wasn't a bear."

"Shut up you damn rat."

* * *

A/N:Haha, well, I saw episode 16 again for the first time in a while, y'know the one where they head to the lakehouse and Kyo and Yuki transform protecting Tohru from falling. I heard Kyo talk about why he wouldn't watch a movie about a bear, and I thought it was hilarious! And I wrote a drabble too!!!!!

Read and review peeps!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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